He: male and female.
One thing about the average person- he is an expert manipulator. He knows how to play on your defenses whether he is a stranger or a friend. He knows all your pushbuttons, totori-ing you like he wrote the manufacturer’s instructions as God fashioned you.
And you stupidly fall for it. Again. And again.
He can disappear for eons and waltz💃🏽 back into your life like young Evita. And like the darling he knows you to be, you’d envelop him in a bear hug. Your mistake, he just stabbed you in the back.
What blade do you prefer?
I’m talking about that lover of yours who knows how to coil you expertly around his pinky finger. That boss that can make you work through the weekend, the parent that bo-bos you into those things you’d never do. The friend that is an epitome of leeches.
I’m talking about that person that borrows money from you and ghosts.
How do they do that? I mean, how do you play on someone else’s emotions knowing fully well the other party is as innocent as daylight? And they sleep well at night? Like no nightmares, or guardian angels telling them to right their wrongs with intermittent whipping?
Yes, the world is full of good and bad folks but how does the good person wake up and say, I’m gonna be bad today? Oh well, let’s examine how they subtly do that.
Business proposals. There is always a new business idea that needs your financial backing. It is my friendship duty to give business showers, I know, but I didn’t ask you to birth a new idea every month! Have you thought of my own expenses? Of the business I still dream about dreaming about starting?
But after the cash has crawled from your account and flown into his, you never see the business grow.
You: yo, bruh, how’s the business going?
Friend: nna mehn, that idea no make o.
Ouch, seventy grand gone. There lies your forex investment. Uh, how do you ask for a refund?
Stranded. If they are not in the middle of Highway 72 (did you ask them how they got there?), then it’s the cotton field you never knew existed. And you, on the other hand, are on the flip side of the continent. If I had to get Search And Rescue for you, please make it once in forever, thank you.
Friend: Oga mi, how far na? You fit send me something, I dey trek Lagos-Benin road right now.
Studenthood. They are the reason why the general conception is that students are always boxed up. Because they have the whole world sending them money. I have been a student all my life, and never lived that life😔.
Student: Daddy, my lecturer said we must buy his textbook if not we’ll not be able to attend his classes. And if I don’t attend, I won’t learn and that part of my fees will be wasted, and then I’ll not be able to write the exam because I won’t have made the required attendance. And if that happens daddy, I’ll fail his course and have to take it next semester and you know what that means, daddy. And daddy, I’m the only person that has not bought the textbook (insert sobs).
Dad: how much is the textbook?
Do you know how many times your child did this to you, will do it to you? Can you count how many times you did that to your parents and siblings?
Heartless. These guys did not come to earth with a heart. If you’ve not had an experience, ask Mr. West for his gist. Someone told me he lost his dad and things were tight, could I help? Oh sure! A while later, he calls saying his dad fell ill. And you think I wouldn’t remember? I do some amateur PI, gisting with the brother who says his papa is as fit as the rock.
I sent my prayers.
How do the living become dead to you so you could extort money? How?
And to top it all, the smooth-talkers. They are like fine wine, running over your tongue. And just like fine wine, you swallow the lies with relish. Especially that sweet part, “I’ll pay you back latest 12:00, Monday.” Stupid you, which Monday do you think he’s talking about? The last Monday in 3057 just so you know.
But you reading this, are you the perpetrator or the victim? Either way, don’t think too much, just enjoy the doughnuts.
Your sweet doughnuts,